Jealousy...

It's such a nasty word...but the more I think on some recent events in my life.. It truly makes me wonder if I am just jealous at certain people and all of their happiness that surrounds them.  Marriage.. Engagements... New Kids.. (yep even that one). I know that I need to be happy with whom I am, before I can even think of being in a "truly bonded life with someone all to myself". Yeah, I think that I'm lost in life as I know it, I know there are things that I HAVE to do before I can even think about the largest commitment in life.

I'd love it if for once, something truly spectacular would happen. In the past 6 years, I have heart ache, joy for my friends, sadness of job losses but nothing that can truly make my heart skip a beat.

I know that I need to listen to the words of Cupcake Brown, “She talked about wanting to be a part of something, wanting to be desired, to be 'special', craving to be loved. She talked about experiencing the kind of loneliness so immense it could swallow you up. She called it 'loneliness that crowds couldn't cure'.”  Its not the exact quote.. but it will work, at least till I find the correct one.

But then I begin to wonder if there is someone right for me. Is there someone out there that can handle my quirks. I guess for now I shall wonder, who knows who might come knocking at my door.